Ally Malinenko

wildflowers

-run away let your heart be your guide

it was the first mix tape you gave me

back when mix tapes were a thing to give

me, nervous and falling fast and hard

you, seemingly cocksure and worldly

and Tom Petty

singing to me about where I belong

It was the third song on the mix

and it struck me

because the others I knew well

but this felt new

and maybe it was.

The years have erased that

part of memory

like so much

chalk swept from dusted old hands

but the point is, love,

when Tom said

you belong somewhere you feel free

I felt it, hard and real.

I wanted it the way girls are told not to want anything

I wanted to feel free as a new girl in a new city

with a new boy on her arm

because I had, in fact, run away and found me a lover.

I felt it for the first time

having thrown off the shackles

of small town life

but really maybe not thrown

maybe just wriggled out of

maybe just barely saved myself

from a life that look more like a death

one that I always saw coming

but still, there now alone in the first

apartment I ever had in the first city I ever lived in

me, a young woman, getting ready for a college class

and you, a young man, working a day job

and Tom,

singing to me

about everywhere

everywhere

everywhere

I could belong.

I wanted it to be true then,

and even after all these years

I still ask

the wildflowers

and Tom,

is it?

Is it true?

Please.

Tell me I belong.