(Sonnet of sorts)
Horrible. I found a praying mantis in the bathroom. The insect that reminds me
of a particular ex who reminded me of the saddest violin. Before choking clouds,
before rain fell in sloppy splots, I tried my best to catch the mantis with a plastic bag.
Some things you want to release. Right after a dog walk the rain began. So humid I couldn’t
eat. Some days it is enough to feed the dog, to unchoke. The mantis was missing one long
worshipful arm. What is a one-handed prayer? An uneven rain. What even is I love you but
only in motion. The mantis motioned to me to stop chasing him. I told him, I won’t hurt you,
I will put you outside where it is bigger, greener. He wanted to know why I thought I knew
where he belonged. Why I couldn’t just recognize he was a sign of wisdom and luck, patience
and perseverance and let him be. Why I had to stop and research: do praying mantises bite
when I know very well everything bites. A flood warning flashed on my phone: Most flood
deaths occur in vehicles. Turn around, don’t drown when encountering flooded roads.
Glad I didn’t put the stick green insect outside; I still try to trap him in a poem
but really I think about him all night long and dry as kindling.
Marcy Rae Henry is a multidisciplinary Xicana artist from the Borderlands who’s had motorcycle crashes in Mexican-America, Turkey and Nepal. She is the author of death is a mariachi, winner of the May Sarton NH Poetry Prize and CHIRBy finalist, when to go to the Taj Mahal, the body is where it all begins, dream life of night owls, winner of the Open Country Chapbook Contest, and We Are Primary Colors. Her writing has received a Chicago Community Arts Assistance Grant, an Illinois Arts Council Fellowship, four Pushcart nominations, first prize in Suburbia’s Novel Excerpt Contest and Kaveh Akbar chose this collection as a finalist for the George Garrett Fiction Prize. MRae’s visual work appears in Waxwing, Arkana, The William & Mary Review, Thimble Magazine, and was featured in the 2022 Assisi, Italy International Contemporary Art Exhibition. She is a digital minimalist with no social media accounts, a senior editor for RHINO, and Professor of English, literature and creative writing.
The second paragraph should have been the first and only text needed. The first paragraph makes me want to know who your ex is and kinda takes away from the second paragraphs amazing accomplishments that you have achieved. I am only sharing that because your first paragraph registered with me as a great cliffhanger. I am now curious about things that you lead me to read but left me with no answers lol frustrating but shows that MRae has talent. BTW, when a woman refers herself to a Mantis, I instantly think of sex as your true skill since female mantises claim to fame is killing their lover after sex. Which kinda takes away from your writings and your message. I am now curious, excited and left hanging smh all from what should have been a innocent bio about a magazine that I stumbled upon from someone else's sight. With all of those accolades, you may be doing yourself a disservice with what you choose to share here. Thanks for the tease, I am now horny and mentally stimulated since this all reminds me of an ex that I would like to set free in a poem from the chains that keep her in my shadows like a hunchback lurking the halls of my mental chambers. A ghost who has unfinished business with a person who outgrew them while becoming a less than or a nobody or undesirable. While becoming the worst version of me, my ex became obsessed with her role in creating who I became while at my lowest. A low that was allowed to exist as a form of respect and a by product of my unconditional love that I gave even at my detriment. A mantis so to speak. But a Mantis I could not be because she seems to believe that I have other mantises for my enjoyment. That in itself would be impossible if that is who we are. A mantis sounds good but is not plausible. Maybe her ego is what keeps her attached to who I was and not who I am. A concubine with the perception of power seems more fitting. A concubine with minor victories gained in a war that does not exist. A concubine needs to find a way to accept the truth about her reality and to be a female mantis who is incapable of killing her mate has to be due to a lack of intelligence or her inability to know her true capabilities. Which is why I would always be there for her to follow or be inspired by. Harmless and capable of so much more. If she only saw herself as the person I believe her to be, then maybe I would become more that what she could ever comprehend. As a mantis, she needs me for her to be what she is known to be. Without me, she is just incapable of achieving any real success. Nothing is more ridiculous than being the ex who can't let go. You chose to leave but you also choose to stay attached. That is a sad string who is not even blessed enough to be see herself as the whole violin. A concubine in life, spirit and truth. One of many, special and unique, living a life that is not her own, a vegetable with no tree. A basket to be shared with others, if chosen to be eaten devoured. Otherwise, rot, decay and compost is your why and your seed will be recycled. If not this life, maybe the next, if your lucky enough to be replanted. Or eaten by an animal and spread as they do what they do and discard your as waste. A mantis is reaching high, truthfully your just lost and need to find yourself. Your true self. Not your victimized self or your failed relationship self but the true seed that you are and the beautiful presence that you have to share. I believe in you and I wish you nothing but the best. Let the talk about the ex go and find ways to share your truth about you, not someone else. He wins and he knows it, you can do absolutely nothing about it.
ReplyDeleteOn another note. If I did have a fetish, it would definitely include a girl named Marcy Rae Henry. She sounds like the stuff that dreams are made of, a fantasy woman. Full of class, lies and good filth. She is guaranteed to have p***y worth dying for, a little bit of nerd and a whole lot of potential. Sociopathic, narcissistic and still only a concubine because she chooses to be less than to those who truly matter. Popular but still a shadow to her love lost and never to exist again. Her fantasy is taking away from her true self. This makes that amazing p***y, not worth having or remembering. A bit jealous and self righteous but smart enough to know not to let go. lol Mantis talk, insect kink and a entomology class worth taking. I bet she has friends who have some grade A pussy that is untainted and everything that hers should have been. Damaged goods, reduced price, worthy of a support group and others who like to be dominated. Marcy Rae Henry is super rich in my book but mentally destroyed. The green blob, not the mantis. Gumby, cookie monster, green with envy. Everything except the emerald that she was when she was the gem who she was believed to be. Damn, mental illness is real and its a shame that she is nothing more that someone who I want to believe in and see become more that life could explain. smh boulder must have something in the water. Prayers for the Sanders family and the Colorado Buffaloes. Women like this is why victory is and never will be attained. Y'all are fucking women who see themselves at Mantises lol dummies.
ReplyDelete